There's Never Been A Worse Time To Be On Fire!

The quote above was modified from a Brandon Boyd picture known as, "There's Never Been A Better Time To Be On Fire!"

But as you will see, I would have preferred a fire extinguisher (and yes, I know Brandon was talking about INTELLECTUAL fire because he's just that awesome. I'm just always quoting this phrase for some reason.)

So I went back to painting (mostly out of boredom.)

I got rejected for two jobs last week and have to wait a month on the third one (NOTE: Later this same day I got rejected on the third one, too. So much for a month.) I had really hoped the Minnesota one would come through and I'm down in the dumps again. I've been tireder and grumpier and miserable-r since last week and then the graduate school I reapplied to yesterday told me they don't think I need the degree I applied to to get a job. I spent two weeks at the end of last year begging for advice from anyone I could talk to and NONE of them were willing to help me. Then when I go off on my OWN and try to fix the problem MYSELF, they tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm ticked off and tired and angry and I just want someone to want me somewhere so I can leave this house and pay my own bills again.

And then there's the LS! Again!

Warning: I'm going to complain about my unmentionables again. I am sorry. If they weren't complaining so much, I wouldn't complain to YOU, and we'd all go out and have an ice cream sundae with sprinkles.

But alas, I am going to bitch. Again.

The weather's been rainy and humid and apparently THIS kind of weather sets off my LS, big time (remind me never to go to the tropics, then.) Or the stresses of the last week. Or my sugar habit. Or two of these or all of these. Who knows?

Spent most of last evening on fire (metaphorically, anyway. Well, somewhat physically. OK, so it wasn't ACTUAL fire but it might as well have been.)

I couldn't even wear my jeans last night any longer because they were like sandpaper to it, or a scrub brush, or steel wool. I quit wearing jeans regularly months ago because it hurts so much to wear them. Most of the time I stick with dress pants (those were supposed to be for work (ha ha)) or jogging pants because they don't aggravate my skin there. But these jeans are my painting jeans and I just happened to have them on when I got home.

So I did the logical thing when one's hm hm is on fire-I was slapping creams on it, trying to get some relief last night. At that point, you will do anything to get some relief (like a never-ending yeast infection turned up to 11...fun, fun, fun.) I finally gave in and put the steroid cream on it.

I feel better this morning but I'm sore and hurting and wish I didn't have this (for the forty billionth time.)


I wrote this on Facebook ten minutes ago...

OK, so, I'm going to be positive today...

I'm flaring! (But no infection yet, so yay!)
I'm jobless (but I get to go paint walls! Oh, Yay!)
I just had to ask for a deferment again (but that means I don't have to pay student loans again! Yay double yay!)
See, everyone? I can be positive. Here I am, dancing sugarplums and fairies and ALL.

Ugh. All this yaying makes me need a latte...

I need coffee but I should be avoiding sugar right now (as one of my friends put it, "You want some coffee with that sugar?"), as that's probably half my problem right there. And I have to watch this thing closely now because there are raw spots and I could have infection if I'm not careful (again, sugar is bad right now because it helps yeast to grow. Last thing I need. The last time was like hell on a toothpick and I do NOT want to go through that again, ever.)

I guess I'll have to suck it up today and carry on and be brave and all that jazz.

Ta,
Bec

I Am Done

Got rejected for three jobs in the last two days, including two that I actually had a snowball's chance in hell with.

I am upset and under stress and was trying desperately to keep myself together this morning. I had the roller to the wall and was ready to start painting, when my sister screamed at me that she wasn't finished painting the first coat of paint on and there I was putting on the second.

I wasn't there yesterday and didn't know this. She didn't have any right to treat me like that (and this isn't the first time she's treated me like her slave/underling while we're on this project.)

Normally, I would have swallowed my pride and done the painting, but today was apparently a bad day to set me off, and for some reason about two minutes later, I started crying and couldn't stop. There I was, throwing paint on a brick wall, and the tears were rolling down my face.

It took me twenty minutes to calm down. I do not cry like this, not more than a couple times a year at most. I don't get to the point where I am crying and can't stop. Obviously I'm in a pretty upset state and Anna's abominable behavior towards me was the last straw.

By the time I'd gotten my tears under control, Kate had arrived and she wanted to reorganize the library-much more to my liking and not by my mean, nasty, tear-inducing sister. So that's what I did the rest of the day, and what I'll do tomorrow...and then I won't do anymore.

I want to volunteer, I do, but Anna's attitude is difficult if nigh impossible to be in the same room with. I can't even ask a question without feeling like a ball of slime under her shoe. I shouldn't have to feel like this and I won't. She can paint the whole building by herself. I'm done. I have enough to do at home anyway.

Fully Watered Camel On My Shoulders

Hi all,

Long day today. Started at 5:30 A.M. (cat started complaining and woke me up) and I think I've stopped now. There's one thing I need to do yet tonight. Two things. I am very tired, more than usual. I wonder if this is leftovers from the painting and I wasn't noticing it till now.

So, yes. Interview on Tuesday. Been wondering if I should explain my stupid word displacement problem to them at the beginning of the interview (damn fibro.) The tireder I get, the more the words get mangled on the way to my mouth. I feel like such an idiot when I do it, and I've been doing it all weekend. Frustrating as all hell. Mum thinks I should get more sleep tomorrow, but that's hard to do when she takes her medication and is technically lying in my bed (couch, living room. I wasn't planning on staying here more than six months.)

We also have to paint again tomorrow. Hopefully some more people show up besides the ones I've been seeing every day.

I feel like I have a camel full of water sitting on my shoulders (I just checked-not sure if it's bactrian or dromedary) but I could just about land in a heap like Echo here has and be fine with it.

I might watch some Farscape. Maybe not. Dunno. I could really go to sleep right now if the...crap. Pets need feeding.

Gotta go!

Bec

Irons In The Fire

I have a couple of options going on right now that could see me out of here either by July or September, depending on which one pans out. We shall wait and see.

Meanwhile, I and Anna have been volunteering to work at our old elementary school (the church we go to runs it.) Mostly painting, but some moving furniture and cleaning. I'm pretty tired. The work wouldn't be done without us there, though, and it's pretty satisfying to see the walls become white under our toiling. I really hope it looks alright when it's all done.

I have to work at my friend's house cleaning tomorrow and I need to SLEEP, so good night. Let's hope this next week works in my favor.

Ta,
Bec