I'm doing better. The job thing is still a mess (I got a no from Shawano this week) and I'm honestly considering Peace Corps. There's no way I can do the actual military thanks to my crap joints, unless they could let me skip boot camp (not happening.) I have bad knees and a bad shoulder and while I could handle it emotionally and spiritually, physically is impossible.
So there ain't no job coming and I can't join the Air Force, so my next choice is Peace Corps. All I can hope is that they have a place for me.
Not much else going on-did VBS this week and helped the kids do crafts. Between the glue-crazy preschoolers and the extremely quiet preteens and teenagers, it was fun and exhausting and I hope I won't be here to do it next year, because that means I'll have gone nowhere.
I'm going to go do something, so
Ta,
Bec
29.7.12
21.7.12
Abject Misery
I have spent the last few days pretty miserable. I seem to always be the butt of private jokes between my mother and sister, and either I am treated like I'm some sort of imbecile or I'm treated like everyone's scapegoat to lay blame on (the Internet broke this morning and my sister blamed me, then when it fixed itself she didn't even apologize.) I've been picked on all weekend until I fought back, then I get into trouble. Mum does this to other people but apparently I can't do it back to her, cannot even defend myself.
If this keeps up for much longer, job or no job, I'm moving out. I will not be the carpet everyone walks on. I'll starve to death first.
I am very lonely and very miserable and I don't know how much more crap I can take. I just want peace.
I hope I can talk to you all soon. This is going to be a rough week if certain people don't lay off of me and stop picking on me.
Ta,
Bec
If this keeps up for much longer, job or no job, I'm moving out. I will not be the carpet everyone walks on. I'll starve to death first.
I am very lonely and very miserable and I don't know how much more crap I can take. I just want peace.
I hope I can talk to you all soon. This is going to be a rough week if certain people don't lay off of me and stop picking on me.
Ta,
Bec
13.7.12
Tired and Disappointed
For the last several weeks, we've been attempting to get our "free" hot tub going. We brought the thing over from the neighbors, who had bought the house but no longer wanted the tub.
So far, we've had the electrician out here three times and the hot tub expert twice. We have called numerous times trying to get this thing up and running.
The hot tub guy came and tore out the stuff we didn't need today, and replaced the busted valve, AND got it running...
At least while he was here. Now the thing won't run.
I have spent all day working on that thing and IT WON'T RUN. I have absolutely not a clue as to why it won't but it won't. Now I have it full of (cold) water so that we can get the scuzz out of the pipes and it simply refuses to go.
I am tired and sweaty and mad and disappointed and I want to eat my dinner, take a shower, and not think about the thing for awhile.
Meanwhile, nothing on the job front. No rejections all week (but no interview offers, which I guess constitutes a draw) and nothing else going on.
SIGH.
I just jumped a mile because the vent in the bathroom started. Silly me. Did I actually think we could get the damned thing running without fifty million phone calls and a hell of a lot of suffering?
Gotta go flick some switches again. I live in hope.
Ta,
Bec
PS: Forgot to mention that I did something absolutely insane the other day concerning Prince Within (which is slowly progressing, but at least it's getting there.) I made a family tree of my characters...and managed somehow to link the main five together as relatives. Check it out here:
A little clarification: The five main ones I was referring to are: Tiernan, Einin, Caedmon, Carden, and Amon (who later becomes Antiphos Nox.) The rest of the characters are either dead or die during the course of the story (Roland would be that one.) Plagues and massacres prune family trees right down to nothing, don't they?
Tiernan is the main character; Einin might wind up with him (haven't written the end yet and them being together is still very much in doubt.)
The Camyeises and Soluses come out of the same small group that crashed into a small island just off the coast of Caoimhe a thousand years ago. The Shrathshires are one of a dozen noble families that emerge out of these lines. I just didn't bother to analyze the rest seeing as the Shrathshires are the immediately important family line I needed to deal with and the rest would be busywork and didn't need to be done.
Also note: They don't always marry each other; there's a heap of commoners that have randomly produced magical abilities and they wind up joining the Solus clan first in training of their abilities, and then in marriage or taking the name and becoming Soluses anyway. The Camyeises are a bit more picky; they're more likely to marry nobility or marry Soluses since they don't really mix with the regular people as often as their magical relatives do. And yes, some Camyeises have been magical, but the last lot have been duds as far as that goes (Tiernan included) but maybe the next generation (hint hint) will produce some sparks.
I said the clans were close, but until I linked them together the other day, I had no idea how much. This whole scenario took two hours to set together (gathering names, getting the right amount of Soluses for how many cousins, uncles, aunts, and other people I produced earlier on and had to live up to, etc. etc.)
Having this is going to help me (and maybe the reader) understand Caedmon's motivations (always a deep and endless topic of discussion.) Now there's not just the Soluses that have been murdered; there's the Camyeises, too. I think out of everyone, Caedmon is quickly becoming my favorite character. He has suffered losses beyond what any human, powers or no, should be expected to take, and yet he still wants to do things the right way and end Carden's reign not out of revenge, but because it's the right thing to do.
I could go on for days about this story because there's that much material here, but you probably have things to do.
You'll all get to read it someday; don't worry. I'm trying to finish it!
Ta,
Bec
So far, we've had the electrician out here three times and the hot tub expert twice. We have called numerous times trying to get this thing up and running.
The hot tub guy came and tore out the stuff we didn't need today, and replaced the busted valve, AND got it running...
At least while he was here. Now the thing won't run.
I have spent all day working on that thing and IT WON'T RUN. I have absolutely not a clue as to why it won't but it won't. Now I have it full of (cold) water so that we can get the scuzz out of the pipes and it simply refuses to go.
I am tired and sweaty and mad and disappointed and I want to eat my dinner, take a shower, and not think about the thing for awhile.
Meanwhile, nothing on the job front. No rejections all week (but no interview offers, which I guess constitutes a draw) and nothing else going on.
SIGH.
I just jumped a mile because the vent in the bathroom started. Silly me. Did I actually think we could get the damned thing running without fifty million phone calls and a hell of a lot of suffering?
Gotta go flick some switches again. I live in hope.
Ta,
Bec
PS: Forgot to mention that I did something absolutely insane the other day concerning Prince Within (which is slowly progressing, but at least it's getting there.) I made a family tree of my characters...and managed somehow to link the main five together as relatives. Check it out here:
A little clarification: The five main ones I was referring to are: Tiernan, Einin, Caedmon, Carden, and Amon (who later becomes Antiphos Nox.) The rest of the characters are either dead or die during the course of the story (Roland would be that one.) Plagues and massacres prune family trees right down to nothing, don't they?
Tiernan is the main character; Einin might wind up with him (haven't written the end yet and them being together is still very much in doubt.)
The Camyeises and Soluses come out of the same small group that crashed into a small island just off the coast of Caoimhe a thousand years ago. The Shrathshires are one of a dozen noble families that emerge out of these lines. I just didn't bother to analyze the rest seeing as the Shrathshires are the immediately important family line I needed to deal with and the rest would be busywork and didn't need to be done.
Also note: They don't always marry each other; there's a heap of commoners that have randomly produced magical abilities and they wind up joining the Solus clan first in training of their abilities, and then in marriage or taking the name and becoming Soluses anyway. The Camyeises are a bit more picky; they're more likely to marry nobility or marry Soluses since they don't really mix with the regular people as often as their magical relatives do. And yes, some Camyeises have been magical, but the last lot have been duds as far as that goes (Tiernan included) but maybe the next generation (hint hint) will produce some sparks.
I said the clans were close, but until I linked them together the other day, I had no idea how much. This whole scenario took two hours to set together (gathering names, getting the right amount of Soluses for how many cousins, uncles, aunts, and other people I produced earlier on and had to live up to, etc. etc.)
Having this is going to help me (and maybe the reader) understand Caedmon's motivations (always a deep and endless topic of discussion.) Now there's not just the Soluses that have been murdered; there's the Camyeises, too. I think out of everyone, Caedmon is quickly becoming my favorite character. He has suffered losses beyond what any human, powers or no, should be expected to take, and yet he still wants to do things the right way and end Carden's reign not out of revenge, but because it's the right thing to do.
I could go on for days about this story because there's that much material here, but you probably have things to do.
You'll all get to read it someday; don't worry. I'm trying to finish it!
Ta,
Bec
10.7.12
Lord of the Rings Platinum
Sorry I've been quiet the last few days. Yesterday in particular was mad around here and unfortunately a lot happened but a lot didn't get done.
I have been rejected for jobs twice in the last two days. I'm getting a remarkably thick skin about these sorts of things-there have been too many of them for me to even register all the rejections.
Meanwhile, I splurged a little and ordered copies of the LotR Platinum editions I've been wanting forever. They are gorgeous. I bought them used, so I paid ten bucks for all three, and then ten for shipping (versus 100 for them new.) These have the extended editions that I particularly prefer (why on Earth would you get the theatrical editions when you can have more?)
Despite my usual reservations with movie interpretations, I think Jackson was left with quite a mountain to climb and he manages it better than anyone else currently could.
How do you take a story this big and wide and condense it down into something coherent and palatable to an audience?
Gonna go watch this.
Talk to you soon,
Bec Koshak
I have been rejected for jobs twice in the last two days. I'm getting a remarkably thick skin about these sorts of things-there have been too many of them for me to even register all the rejections.
Meanwhile, I splurged a little and ordered copies of the LotR Platinum editions I've been wanting forever. They are gorgeous. I bought them used, so I paid ten bucks for all three, and then ten for shipping (versus 100 for them new.) These have the extended editions that I particularly prefer (why on Earth would you get the theatrical editions when you can have more?)
Despite my usual reservations with movie interpretations, I think Jackson was left with quite a mountain to climb and he manages it better than anyone else currently could.
How do you take a story this big and wide and condense it down into something coherent and palatable to an audience?
Gonna go watch this.
Talk to you soon,
Bec Koshak
2.7.12
For God's Sake, Johnson, Did You READ My E-MAIL At All?
It's boiling everywhere, but we at least have power.
Meanwhile, Ron Johnson wrote back to me. The slimeball.
This is an example of how NOT to answer a constituent's question...
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you for contacting me about healthcare reform and the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA).
The passage of PPACA was one of the driving forces in my decision to run for the Senate. I was hoping the Supreme Court would strike down the whole law, unfortunately, the Court has thrown this back into the political arena.
The Court's decision establishes that there is no area of Americans' private lives that is off limits to federal intrusion and control. The fate of this unpopular law is now in the hands of the American People and your elected representatives in Washington. I am entirely committed to repealing PPACA, preserving what works in our health care system, and working to improve what does not. Now, more than ever, we need to make the case that the President's health care law will be a disaster for our health care system and for our budget.
If this law is fully implemented, it will result in rationing, lower the quality of care, and dramatically decrease medical innovation. That is the inevitable result of government run, socialized medicine. It will also lead to trillions of dollars of deficit spending over the next two decades because the cost of this new entitlement has been significantly underestimated. We simply can't afford it.
You have my pledge that I will work to repeal the President's health care law and focus on health care policies that center on bringing private market solutions to satisfy the needs of patients and families.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. It is important for me to hear the views and concerns of the people I serve. Since taking office, I have received over 500,000 pieces of correspondence and have had over 200,000 participants in live forums and telephone town hall meetings. Please feel free to contact me in the future if I can further assist you or your family. It is an honor representing you and the good people of Wisconsin in the U.S. Senate.
Sincerely,
Ron Johnson
United States Senator
HE MISSED THE POINT! I don't want the damn thing repealed. Didn't I make that perfectly clear in my letter? I want the health care act to stay. I only wrote 6 long paragraphs on why we HAVE to have health care. Private market solutions won't work if they haven't so far. I would prefer it universal.
Apparently writing a senator is a useless exercise because all you get is a formulaic full of bull letter that he sends to all the other people who are mad at him for being a twit.
Ta,
Bec
Meanwhile, Ron Johnson wrote back to me. The slimeball.
This is an example of how NOT to answer a constituent's question...
Dear Rebecca,
Thank you for contacting me about healthcare reform and the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA).
The passage of PPACA was one of the driving forces in my decision to run for the Senate. I was hoping the Supreme Court would strike down the whole law, unfortunately, the Court has thrown this back into the political arena.
The Court's decision establishes that there is no area of Americans' private lives that is off limits to federal intrusion and control. The fate of this unpopular law is now in the hands of the American People and your elected representatives in Washington. I am entirely committed to repealing PPACA, preserving what works in our health care system, and working to improve what does not. Now, more than ever, we need to make the case that the President's health care law will be a disaster for our health care system and for our budget.
If this law is fully implemented, it will result in rationing, lower the quality of care, and dramatically decrease medical innovation. That is the inevitable result of government run, socialized medicine. It will also lead to trillions of dollars of deficit spending over the next two decades because the cost of this new entitlement has been significantly underestimated. We simply can't afford it.
You have my pledge that I will work to repeal the President's health care law and focus on health care policies that center on bringing private market solutions to satisfy the needs of patients and families.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. It is important for me to hear the views and concerns of the people I serve. Since taking office, I have received over 500,000 pieces of correspondence and have had over 200,000 participants in live forums and telephone town hall meetings. Please feel free to contact me in the future if I can further assist you or your family. It is an honor representing you and the good people of Wisconsin in the U.S. Senate.
Sincerely,
Ron Johnson
United States Senator
HE MISSED THE POINT! I don't want the damn thing repealed. Didn't I make that perfectly clear in my letter? I want the health care act to stay. I only wrote 6 long paragraphs on why we HAVE to have health care. Private market solutions won't work if they haven't so far. I would prefer it universal.
Apparently writing a senator is a useless exercise because all you get is a formulaic full of bull letter that he sends to all the other people who are mad at him for being a twit.
Ta,
Bec
1.7.12
Is Complaining
OK, so I've dealt with this long enough, and I think I've earned the right to let fly. I'm sending an open complaint to Walmart about the atmosphere in their stores.
Granted, I don't really have anywhere else in town I can go. With approximately four grocery stores in town (counting Merit's and Aldi), you really haven't got much choice.
In Durham I used to go to Walmart simply because it was on the busline and it was therefore easy to reach.
But the problem I have with Walmart isn't the size, the selection, the prices, or even where their merchandise comes from.
No, it's the ads.
The constantly screaming blaring BUY THIS BUY THIS ads on the ends of the aisles.
YOU may be able to ignore these awful things, but I hear them pounding in my brain like drums when I'm trying to think in the store. Buying food often takes consideration, and when you have a math disability and concentration issues to begin with, it's a bit of an issue when all your brain can process is that stupid lemonade ad at the end of the aisle with the stupid woman giving the stupid child his stupid lemonade.
I started going in Walmart with headphones on with the music playing so that I could cut down my level of distraction/agitation to a reasonable level. Otherwise I'd get home taut as a high wire act because of all the noise slamming into my brain. The constant stress actually hurts after awhile and I get extra tired when I'm wound up.
I've told you before what this feels like sometimes. It's like having bright lights shining in your eyes while the radio, the TV, and the Internet all blare at top volume. You can't process all the noise; your brain is boggled and upset and yeah, that's how it feels to be in Walmart trying to shop without headphones. Try doing it for a half-hour, or an hour. It makes you want to run away somewhere.
I just want the damned ads to stop. No one really watches them and I find them rude and intrusive and annoying as all hell. I don't expect Walmart to have a warm, comfortable atmosphere ever, because they just wouldn't, but the noisy TV screens at the end of the aisles can vamoose as far as I'm concerned. I have to watch ads at home and that's bad enough; don't make me listen to them while I buy food, too!
Believe you me, if Walmart wasn't ad matching, I wouldn't have even been in there. There's too many people and too many ads making a racket and I would rather go to Trig's where there just isn't all that.
But if I get somewhere where another store is easier to access, you bet your rumblebuttons that I'll be going there even if the Walmart is sitting next door to it. I would rather have a smaller grocery store with less choice than be in that loud offensive mess of a warehouse, thank you very much.
And that's what I have to say about it. What do you think? (Stargate joke. Bonus points if you can remember WHICH episode!)
Ta,
Bec
PSST: Window of Opportunity, Daniel. He said it about fifteen times thanks to the time loop.
Granted, I don't really have anywhere else in town I can go. With approximately four grocery stores in town (counting Merit's and Aldi), you really haven't got much choice.
In Durham I used to go to Walmart simply because it was on the busline and it was therefore easy to reach.
But the problem I have with Walmart isn't the size, the selection, the prices, or even where their merchandise comes from.
No, it's the ads.
The constantly screaming blaring BUY THIS BUY THIS ads on the ends of the aisles.
YOU may be able to ignore these awful things, but I hear them pounding in my brain like drums when I'm trying to think in the store. Buying food often takes consideration, and when you have a math disability and concentration issues to begin with, it's a bit of an issue when all your brain can process is that stupid lemonade ad at the end of the aisle with the stupid woman giving the stupid child his stupid lemonade.
I started going in Walmart with headphones on with the music playing so that I could cut down my level of distraction/agitation to a reasonable level. Otherwise I'd get home taut as a high wire act because of all the noise slamming into my brain. The constant stress actually hurts after awhile and I get extra tired when I'm wound up.
I've told you before what this feels like sometimes. It's like having bright lights shining in your eyes while the radio, the TV, and the Internet all blare at top volume. You can't process all the noise; your brain is boggled and upset and yeah, that's how it feels to be in Walmart trying to shop without headphones. Try doing it for a half-hour, or an hour. It makes you want to run away somewhere.
I just want the damned ads to stop. No one really watches them and I find them rude and intrusive and annoying as all hell. I don't expect Walmart to have a warm, comfortable atmosphere ever, because they just wouldn't, but the noisy TV screens at the end of the aisles can vamoose as far as I'm concerned. I have to watch ads at home and that's bad enough; don't make me listen to them while I buy food, too!
Believe you me, if Walmart wasn't ad matching, I wouldn't have even been in there. There's too many people and too many ads making a racket and I would rather go to Trig's where there just isn't all that.
But if I get somewhere where another store is easier to access, you bet your rumblebuttons that I'll be going there even if the Walmart is sitting next door to it. I would rather have a smaller grocery store with less choice than be in that loud offensive mess of a warehouse, thank you very much.
And that's what I have to say about it. What do you think? (Stargate joke. Bonus points if you can remember WHICH episode!)
Ta,
Bec
PSST: Window of Opportunity, Daniel. He said it about fifteen times thanks to the time loop.
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