Braced And Bitter

I hate this brace.

I have been wearing it three hours.

I want to rip this thing off and toss it in the river ASAP, no matter how nice it makes my left hand feel.

I'm thinking of switching to the lighter brace so I can move my fingers again, even if the lighter brace is less supportive and therefore makes me less comfortable.

The heavy-duty brace that I wear all day has a piece of hard plastic in it to keep my wrist from bending. That's just wonderful when your fingers bend all screwy to compensate. This brace is sort of clunky and people tend to notice it really quickly.

The lighter one is less conspicuous, but has no plastic in it. It's a soft brace that's a lot more comfortable to wear because it sort of bends with my movements, but it doesn't offer as much support as the other one does.

I suppose, seeing as I'm going to be stuck in these two braces for awhile, that I'll wear the heavy all day and the lighter one at night when I go to bed. I don't need the rigid support at night and I want more support during the daytime, so that'll work out.

My hand is starting to tire, so I gotta quit typing now.

Ta,
Bec

Apparently I'm Tearing It Up...Again

So, I went to see my rheumatologist yesterday. She says that no, my arthritis is not coming back.

No, she thinks that genius me has fully torn my partially torn ligament on the far left side of my left wrist.

This means I have an MRI next Thursday. Depending on what it shows, I will have to have surgery to repair the torn ligament-or not, if it's still a partial.

This would be my second torn ligament in the last four years-the last one being when I tripped coming down the stairs and landed kerblam on my right leg.

I don't play sports-if you know me, you know why. Bella Swan (from Twilight) and I have that much in common.

The only thing I do a lot of is type...which might explain the sudden change in my ligament tear. I aggravated the situation.

If I have surgery, this is going to screw so many things up. I'm already trying to think of the things I need to finish if and when I wind up with only one working hand.

That's about it. I'll try and write again tomorrow, but it is kind of painful to type and so these are going to be short entries.

Ta,
Bec

PS: I must add this, a truly funny incident that's happened since I got home.

I have two dogs back home with completely different personalities-Spritey, who's afraid of nothing and Whisper, who's afraid of everything.

Whisper has gotten a new fear, along with vacuums, brooms, rain, and cars. She's now afraid of the smoke alarm. Or the noise that it makes.

Yesterday my sister was cooking pumpkin pies and the oven needs cleaning so there was a bit of smoke as the stuff in the bottom burned and smoked off. This set the smoke alarm off...and Whisper then proceeded to tremble in fear for the next TEN minutes.

So, I disabled the smoke alarm. Pulled the batteries. Thought we were good.

Then this morning I go to put the batteries back INTO the thing so it's working again, and since I'm in the living room with the dog three feet away, it has to make one plaintive, stupid BEEP as the batteries go back into it.

Whisper trembled for ten minutes again, and I've spent the rest of the morning apologizing for scaring the daylights out of her.

Ridiculous. She's terrified of a BEEP?

Thanksgiving

Mine was a rather quiet Thanksgiving. I hung out with the fam and some other people. It was good.

Doctor's appointment tomorrow. We'll see how many prescriptions I come away with this time.

Both dogs are giving me curious looks-not sure why. Spritey probably wants food while Whisper looks like she wants to listen to what I'm listening to.

Watching old reruns of "Newhart" and remembering that I have known the theme song by heart since I was 4. God, I feel old.

So, I'll report back from the trenches tomorrow.

Ta,
Bec

Just Like Last Year, I'm Waiting

As I sit here listening to Scottish bagpipes wail the Scottish national anthem, I ponder when in hell my father is going to get here.

There's a certain loveliness to the bagpipes, but it's an acquired thing, I believe. Some people can't fathom why anyone would want to hear that sort of pitch in a piece of music. I'm not Scottish, but I like them. And not just because David Tennant is Scottish. That's not it at all.

I believe I'm ready to go. I don't think I can pack anymore in my bag, anyway. Now I'm just waiting to be stuffed into the car with my sisters and Dad.

Oh the joy of holidays! No extended family to deal with and four days of being crammed in the house with my mother and sisters. I will come back with scratches, dents, dings, or other injuries sustained while living/coping/being around immediate family.

Anna will start in with Sara, I'll start in on Anna, Mom will start in on me, and it might end with one of us stuffed headfirst into a turkey carcass and covered in cranberries. Or it could end with Death by Cornbread Stuffing.

Love is in the air, as long as I leave enough chocolates for everyone else and refrain from going mad on the pumpkin pie (Dad's fave. He'd kill for it).

As long as no one chokes on their roll and forces me to do the Heimleich, we're good. I had CPR training certification once, only given to me because I got strapped to a backboard during practice with the toys and couldn't get off of the table I was lying on. You try moving when your arms and legs are splinted down and your neck's in a neck brace, with your head bandaged down.

I was lying there, yowling for help from someone and they were all off playing with the mannequins and the rat poison. Pay no never mind to the poor person lying half MUMMIFIED on the table...

They felt sorry for me, I believe, as I wasn't that good at anything CPR related. And then I spent the entire year I was certified thinking someone was going to attempt to die in front of me and I would have to be the one to save them.

Luckily, if someone tried it now, I could claim that I was years out of practice and that would prompt someone who knew what the hell they were doing to do it instead. Not that I wouldn't save someone if I was the only person, but I'd be terrified of screwing it up. And yes, I know about the Good Samaritan law.

So, having wandered totally off topic, my sister just told me they'll be here in about an hour. Joy.

Ta,
Bec

Getting Ready For The Holiday

I've forgotten to tell you this, so I'm telling you now: I am not spending Thanksgiving with my relatives.

Surprise!

Aunt Wanda has gone to her mother's, leaving the rest of them to go to Tanya's.

If you recall, I would rather have a lot of offensive, rude things done to my physical form than go anywhere near her house. You couldn't pay/bribe me enough to make me go.

But great minds think alike-Mom thinks like me. She hates Dad's relatives, too. Therefore, we're staying in town and we're going to the church Thanksgiving thing. Mom doesn't cook. Dad doesn't have to drive halfway to Florida for the second day in a row, and I don't have to suffer with my relatives for another MONTH.

How relieved was I? I was thanking deities I didn't believe existed for the blessing they'd bestowed. No Thanksgiving with them this year. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Today we're one month away from Christmas. I have bought nothing for anyone as of yet, but plans are forming in my wicked, terrible mind...plans that are rather cheap and interesting.

I spent most of tonight playing "Pass the Files" between my computers. When you have two computers like I do, it often becomes difficult to keep the files even. I might write a story on the desktop, but that story might not make it to the laptop for weeks.

I try to keep things even, but it's hard. Seeing as I'm going away from my desktop for a few days, I'm going to need everything I've done thus far from both computers. I updated the laptop with the latest stuff, plus I had to spend nearly an hour getting all of my music from one computer to the other.

I refuse to be without it for an entire 5 days, and seeing as my moods are often unpredictable and my moods correspond with my music choices, I have to be prepared. If I want to hear Sting this weekend, I'm good. If I want to hear Spill Canvas on Saturday morning while washing dishes, I'm in the money. If I want to hear Linkin Park, well, that's a problem. I don't have any Linkin Park. If the whim ever struck (ha) then I'd borrow my sister's CD's.

My laptop and my USB storage device are still working on one last thing for me tonight, and then I'll go to bed. I get to sleep in tomorrow; my first prof of the day cancelled class tomorrow morning.

So, night everyone. I'll try and write from home.

Ta,
Bec

Flying Lenses

As I was walking along to breakfast this morning, I felt my left eye go bouncing off in front of me.

Well, it happened to be my glasses lens (thanks to all the powers that it was plastic). It went airborne and hockey-pucked across the sidewalk in front of me.

I thought I'd lost my screw that holds the lens in, figured I would never find it. Too damn small. So I went back to the dorm I'd just left the minute before, dug out the eyeglass repair kit from my stuff, found that the screw was merely loose and not out of the glasses.

Two twists of the skinny little screwdriver from the kit and the lens was secured back into the glasses, never to fly again. Ta-dah.

But it took me ten minutes to do all this because I couldn't really SEE the problem, and by the time I got OUT of the dorm for the second time this morning I was down to about five minutes to inhale my breakfast (instead of fifteen to actually taste it) and skedaddle to class.

Arthur Dent had trouble with Thursdays. I'm setting the record for issues with Monday.

So, I'm sitting in class. Today was presentation day. Those who'd made it into the top ten of the class had their stories talked about by the teacher.

I was in the top ten but merely suspected that I would be 8 or 9 or even 10...but I wound up being Number ONE.

I was shocked. ME? NUMBER ONE?

I got a nice book for being number one and I had my story read aloud to the entire class. I had to try not to gloat. That was difficult.

I also received an A on my apparently brilliant story. Hee hee. An A. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

Well, I have to get back to getting ready for the next class, so I'll write more later if anything happens.

Ta,
Bec

Saturday

Submitted my stuff for the Sigma Tau Delta Convention in the spring. We're the hosts, seeing as we're the closest chapter to the Twin Cities. If I get in, I get published again and I get into the convention free of charge because I'll be presenting my stuff there.

My sense of taste barely works right now. That's a little frustrating.

Saw Twilight. It was awesome. Go see it because I'm not saying anything save that Jasper didn't get enough screen time...and that Edward's sparkles rocked.

Still a little sick, though I'm on the mend. Only three days next week, so things should be easier.

Lots to do, so I have to go!

Ta,
Bec

I Can't Taste This Stupid Rice

So, I'm still sick. Hating every minute of it. I have no energy to do anything.

I haven't eaten all day so I'm eating out of my food here, as my legs feel like little wooden pillars.

But I can't taste it. It's like I'm eating air. It has no flavor, at all, whatsoever.

When I called Mom tonight, she mistook me for her brother. She thought Uncle Dan was prank-calling her. Turns out it was little old me, sounding like I've dropped from the altos to the tenors and onward down to the basses.

I woke up at 4 this morning and felt like I was drowning in ice water. Having finally gotten some oxygen and gotten warm again I dozed off until 7 when I woke up thinking I'd joined a desert commune.

I have a Powerpoint presentation tomorrow, but I don't know if I'll even have a voice to actually GIVE it.

So, tomorrow night is Twilight. I have my cough drops ready. I am prepared.

And now, for a moment of fan freakout. Please look away if you don't want to be reminded how crazy I am...

Ta,
Bec



GO TEAM EDWARD!

NO TO FUR, YES TO VENOM!

I LIKE MY MEN STONE-COLD, SPARKLING, AND THIRSTY.

EDWARD-YOU ARE MY BRAND OF HEROIN (sigh)

HE'S NOT MEAN, HE JUST LOOKS THAT WAY WHEN THERE'S TASTY HUMANS AROUND.

HAVE A BIT MORE BEAR, EMMETT?

It Wasn't The Cough That Carried Her Off, It Was the Coffin They Carried Her Off In...

Ah, cold season. I managed to miss it last year because I was in a different hemisphere.

It appears that this year I will not be so lucky. I'm sick with a cough and I hate it.

At least this one's minor. Nothing big. Should blow over by Thursday.

Wrist is fine as long as I don't push it too far.

And oh, Cassie, if you're reading this (and I assume you are) I met that guy I just friended on Facebook last summer and someone fairly reliable said that he thought I was hot. How could I pass up such an obviously off-the-wall person? His head is clearly not on straight, should I not set it right for him, out of pure human kindness? So I sent a message that said hey, and he friended me.

THREE DAYS TO TWILIGHT PREMIERE!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

So, I started on my Powerpoint on tomatoes. It's due on Thursday; I thought I'd get a start on it (mostly because my brain will be stuck in Twilight mode after Wednesday and I won't be able to process anything that has to do with schoolwork).

Anyway, for research purposes alone, I watched the only movie where tomatoes are the lead actors. And yes, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a REAL movie that came out in 1978.

I didn't regret it. Damned funny. This was definitely worth watching. I'm going to have to keep this one around, at least so Dad can watch it. And maybe Anna and Sara, too. It's stupid, it's ridiculous, the tomatoes growl and gargle when they come after people but I was still laughing.

Wrist is better but not completely back. Gets a little better every day, so I expect probably by the middle of this week it'll be back to normal.

That's it. Not anything massive going on. Bought my midnight showing ticket for Twilight.

FOUR DAYS TO GO!

Ta,
Bec

I've Been Shot!

Yeah, I got fed up entirely, went to see my rheumatologist here, and got my first-ever dose of cortisone in the wrist bones of my hand. The injection is a dose of steroids right into the part where I need them most. It's supposed to take out the inflammation within hours of being given, and I'm already noticing a difference in my pain.

That said, the area where the shot was given hurts now, so the pain has moved out of my fingers and into my wrist. That should clear up in a little while, and I'll feel better.

It was either the shot in the hand or the pills again. I went for the faster solution this time, as I'm seeing my regular rheumatologist in two weeks time.

I'm still hurting a little tonight, so I'll sign off.

Ta,
Bec

In A Serious Amount Of Pain Here

My left hand is so bad that even gentle pressure makes me yelp. Fingers on the left are twice as big as the other ones. Anything I try to do seems to add to the problem. I'm so disabled without painkillers it's almost ludicrous.

Glad tomorrow's Friday. Then I can rest.

Bone scan was nothing. Easy stuff. Mum and Dad were down; it was nice to see them but Mom spent the whole day helping me with stuff (bit embarrassing).

That's it. Typing one-handed is so hard.

Ta,
Bec

Can't Wait Till Tomorrow

Pluses:

I'm seeing Mom and Dad tomorrow.
I'm getting help again tomorrow.
Someone ELSE can help me lift the laundry downstairs tomorrow.

Minuses:
I do not have a sharp, useful machete to chop off my left hand with.
No painkillers prescribed tomorrow. I am on my own, baby.
Mom and Dad are going to fuss over me like a couple of old biddies.

My hand is now so sore that even the hot water in the sink hitting it makes it hurt. Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

If it doesn't start behaving itself by Monday of next week I'm going up the hill to see a doctor at Student Health Services. And I don't care what the doctor at the other clinic says. That test tomorrow isn't going to show anything more than the MRI did last summer. He's wasting his time.

I should have told him as much, but I'm not the one who ordered the stupid bone scan after having barely GLANCED at my patient's MRI results that said: Nothing wrong with this kid's fingers, but her wrist has been eaten by evil arthritis germs.

If the bone scan is ANY different from August's little magnetic joy and vivre, I will take back everything I've ever said about the man (well, almost everything).

I'm getting worse by the minute here, so this entry ends here.

Ta,
Bec

Left Hand Out Again (and Stupid Trayless Tuesdays...)

I won't be typing much tonight. My left hand has completely gone anarchist, along with a grape-sized spot on my right shoulder that feels like someone's sticking a knife in my back.

This makes Trayless Tuesday a trouble to survive...oh. I never mentioned Trayless Tuesday, did I?

Hem, hem. Trayless Tuesday was the brainchild of someone in the cafeteria department here at Eau Claire. It involves taking away everyone's trays on Tuesday (we get trays the other 6 days of the week, you see) and leaving people balancing plates and cups and knives and forks and spoons and bowls and banana peels and teabags and whatever else they happen to accumulate while in the cafeteria.

It's called: Some stupid administrator thought it would be not only environmentally friendly, but a real hoot as well to watch the entire cafeteria juggle a bunch of full dishes across a crowded room and over a dozen backpacks, without spilling or dropping said food.

Nobody's been hit in the neck with hot soup yet. Miracles do happen.

And it has the notorious distinction of making Tuesday the most hated day on campus, even for the cafeteria staff (I've overheard their conversations and apparently they hate it as much as we do)

So, how great is it that on another glorious Trayless Tuesday I would be down one hand?

I had to take a couple of trips today, back and forth, instead of tomorrow when I can load it all up on the tray and hold the tray with my mostly working right hand. No, no, no. Today I had to trek back and around and over and through the crowds just to get enough food on my table to stuff in my face.

I burned more calories getting the stuff over there than I got from eating the stuff.

So, in pain. Hate Tuesday more than I ever have before. Stupid administrators and their stupid ideas. At least we get the trays back tomorrow.

Ta,
Bec

Monday, Shmonday

I didn't watch Heroes tonight, so nothing there. I might watch it tomorrow.

No, tonight I was FINALLY getting started on my Capstone, which is sort of the final peg in the English rung. I get this one, and I'll have completed my core courses.

For me, it requires giving them a bunch of old papers from several different classes that I've taken here at Eau Claire and writing a reflection on each one. Good thing I'm a damned packrat. I kept most of the stuff I wrote over the last couple of years...most of it.

That is to say, there is ONE class that's needed and it's gone mysteriously missing from my stuff. I took English Language three years ago this year and those papers have gone vakooshka. I have no idea where they've gone.

I MIGHT get lucky though. I seem to remember having a hard copy of one paper from that class in particular buried someplace back at home.

Which is to say, it's buried in an endless stack of folders containing an endless stack of papers. It might never, ever be found.

I do keep things fairly well organized, don't get me wrong. With all the stuff I have saved I have to-otherwise I would never find ANYTHING when I wanted it.

It's just that there's a LOT of stuff in a LOT of folders and finding that one paper in all of that might very well take till next century.

Let's see-there's the folder of good stuff by authors that aren't me, the folder of handwritten stuff by me, the folder of typed stuff by me, the folder with the three lyrics notebooks that will never seen the light of day again, the Eemeda Chronicles, smashed in with Darren Marcus' first draft that will also never see the light of day again, the folder of memories, the binder of awards and such, folder of Stargate fanfics...I might have missed one. I'm not looking at the stack of them at the moment.

You see why this particular search could potentially take forever, although having things organized DOES make the search shorter than it would be (for instance, I know for sure that paper can't be in at least four or five of the folders I just mentioned.)

I'll have a massive folder search during Thanksgiving weekend and see if I can't roust that paper out of hiding. Then I can scan in the paper and write a reflection and bammo, I'll be done. :)

Meantime, I will not be idle. I'll get the others done while I wait for Thanksgiving to roll around. That way I won't be lightyears behind once December hits.

See? It's all peaches and roses and fluffly bunnies! And now my left hand is killing me so I'm apparently done typing this entry.

Ta,
Bec

2nd Verse, Same as the First...

Things are not looking very good these days for me. On Tuesday, the rheumatologist I swore I'd never go see again but had to given my current issues has signed me up for a bone scan next week Thursday. They'll inject a dye, wait three hours, and then scan my hands and wrists so that they can see what the hell is going on in there.

I noticed that the rheumatologist didn't schedule a blood test or any medication. We've been through this once already-nothing ever shows up on the tests and meds are a mess when I'm dealing with two doctors in two different cities.

Things are getting worse by the day here. I'm noticing a distinct lack of coordination in my fingers, my elbows are aching again, my shoulders hurt, there's heat coursing through every single joint in my hands along with little zings of pain here and there, the swelling's coming back, and I can't make a fist without wincing.

Welcome to Round 2. Also known as : And I Thought We Were Past All This.

I'm trying to not get angry and trying not to get upset-doesn't help much. But it's hard. I had two months of really feeling fantastic and feeling great...and now this happens.

But I am tired. I am tired of tests and needles, the constant heat and pain in my fingers and elbows, the rheumatologists trying everything they've got to control whatever this is.

I want answers. I want medicine. I don't want to keep having tests that say negative and pain that doesn't mean anything and not knowing what the bloody hell is going on in there.

I'm sorry if I sound negative, but this has gone on long enough. You'd be fed up too if you'd been stuck with needles and given loads of tests and hurt and hurt and hurt till you screamed but nobody could tell you anything. You'd be mad, angry, and frustrated...and I think I'm handling this rather well at the moment.

I've got to go to bed and find a comfortable position to try and sleep in.

Ta,
Bec

Can't Believe It's Real

I stayed up to watch it all go down last night, and I can tell you I didn't think I'd be sitting here typing in the dark and saying we have a new president already.

But we do. It was over so fast last night I didn't have time to process it. Our new president is Barack Obama.

I watched Jesse Jackson in the crowds in Chicago last night, crying because a black man had won. It's never been done before and Obama steamrollered McCain right into conceding.

He's got a lot of work to do. He doesn't get time to sit on his laurels. But I have to say, I'm really glad it was him that won. McCain supporters were still booing Obama even during the concession speech. Obama's supporters cheered when McCain's name went up (even if it was kind of quiet).

1968 was the year Martin Luther King, Jr. died, so it seems fitting that 40 years later a black man would win the race to the White House. If King were still around, he would be crying tears of joy.

I can only hope now that the man I and a lot of other people elected can do the job we hired him for, that his inexperience will turn into wisdom and that his work will start to turn things around for everyone.

God bless the new president. I will be watching on Inauguration Day, and praying that he does a good and fair job for all of us.

Bec Koshak

I'm Glad It's Almost Over

Hopefully within 24 hours of this writing (hell, it had better be 12) every sign, every poster, every commercial, every radio ad, and every single thing dealing with things like ELECTIONS or OBAMA or MCCAIN or BIDEN or PALIN or anything else having to do with POLITICS will go away.

I am sick to death of it. I want it over. I want it all gone. I voted early this morning, so let it be DONE now. Pull up the signs, pull the commercials, take out the ads in the newspapers and on the radio. Call it. It's over. The war for votes has ended. Those dummies who A) can't make up their minds or B) refuse to should stuff it now and go vote in the damned election.

I'm all for the democratic process but this has been going on nigh two years. TWO. FRELLING. YEARS.

I, of course, voted for Obama. I'm not much for spreading my political opinion much (would be why I haven't brought it up here before) but I decided a long time ago to vote for whoever offended me the least. And McCain offended me just by his pose in some of the debates, by the look on his face when Obama would speak, and for his choice of the governor of Alaska...

All right, I'm taking off the gloves now.

Frankly, Palin terrifies me. She muddles through questions that I could have answered better. She's already got a scandal going on. She seems to have some colloquialism to her speech that I wouldn't have dared bring to something as serious as a presidential race. And she thinks she's got foreign policy experience by being positioned next to Russia (I have more foreign policy experience with my four months abroad in England, Ireland, and Italy.)

I honestly can't see why McCain picked her when he could have picked so many other people to do the job, especially when his own health isn't very good and he could potentially leave HER running this country...ooh. That freaks me out.

McCain himself seems like your typical Republican-grumpy, angry, bitter, and he doesn't win points with me by having voted with Bush so often. Bush has been a pretty bad president and voting with him most, if not all of the time, doesn't sit well with me.

But Obama seems like an honest guy (well, as honest as politicians can ever be). He seems like he actually wants to help people instead of just wanting the power, prestige, money, and historical thumping power that he'll get if he wins this thing tonight.

And on top of that, he voted against the damn war we're in in Iraq. I protested the war before it got started (stood on the sidewalk and got obscenities screamed at me out of barely cracked car windows), so I would go for someone who thought the same thing I did at the time.

I still protest this war; still hate it, but now I stay away from anti-war rallies because now that it's popular to be anti-war, now everybody is, and the loonies who have joined the anti-war movement have turned me off protests.

So, hopefully Obama wins tonight. I think we need someone with new ideas in the presidency, and even with his inexperience I think he's capable of learning quickly and thinking on his feet.

Besides, McCain can barely stand on his without a walker.

Ta,
Bec

Boy, Am I Bored In Here

Math class is dragging today, probably because every cell in my body wants to go running for the door.

This week is going to be a long one. Today is dull. Tomorrow is Election Day, plus I go to the doctor and I meet some people for dinner. Wednesday I have to turn in a paper. Thursday there's a couple of meetings. Friday as far as I know there's nothing.

No Heroes tonight; they're having a special for the election instead.

35 minutes to freedom. To quote Lenny Kravitz, I want to get away, I wanna fly away...

Not much else to say!

Ta,
Bec

Doing Better

I'm doing better as far as my emotional state goes. I'm almost accepting...no. Not going to even mention it.

My fingers are kind of aching this morning so this is going to a short entry. Don't worry-I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday afternoon, and we'll find out if it's cold or something else. I hope it's cold. At least I can deal with that. If the arthritis is coming back...no. Not even going to mention it.

I'm not mentioning Thanksgiving, either. It might make me break out in a rash.

Gotta go do stuff and get these hands working.

Ta,
Bec