Hi, hi. Been away for almost two months this time (eesh.) I've been depressed and in the doldrums most of that time. It's been a rough summer. There may be light at the end of the tunnel (we'll see about that in about two, two and a half weeks.)
I have an interview with a library here in town two weeks from this past Friday (there's the light at the end of the tunnel I was talking about. Let's hope no one hits the lightbulb with a broom, eh?) I have another interview the next week with the other one in town (I have no hope with that one.)
I also have a Pampered Chef party that same day. Getting there on the setting up part. It takes time to do these things. I'm very organized (no, really. It is Scary (I meant the capital S) how bloody organized I am. I've already tested the recipes I'm using, already asked the apartment manager about parking and signs, and I have a separate cupboard set aside for party stuff. And I have just under three weeks to go till the shindig.
Novel is not moving at all. Doldrums struck again, plus the fact that I am working overtime every single stupid week. No free time.
(Rant on LS progress coming up. Lady bits rebelling again. You have been warned.)
My LS is not very under control anymore, thanks to me not putting my medication on for a long while because I thought I was OK. I let it run rampant and wild and free and now I need treatment to get the skin stretchable and the way it was supposed to be before my body decided to start attacking itself. I have an appt. next week. Fun, fun, funny fun fun. The amusement I feel is just killing me. Backless gowns, my poor wretched parts on display and the gyn admonishing me for taking methylcellulose instead of psyllium this month. Sigh.
I got rid of my disposable pads for good (gave the rest to my sisters.) I've moved onto organic cotton ones (with little shamrocks on them.) If you think that's stupid, this is why I did: LS makes the skin thinner and more prone to damage. Now take a paper pad (tampons are out with me-can't get them in at all) and really rub it on that skin for about 4 days straight (about how long I have to wear the thick ones.) It becomes like sandpaper, and you can't stop because who wants blood all over their clothes?
It gets worse and worse with every day that passes and then there are tears and your skin hurts and look who's all open for the infection business. It takes my skin days to heal, every time. Who wants to go through all of THAT, every month, for the next twenty years or so?
Not me. I'd rather wash my cloth things over and over again. Really. It's just another change I've had to make-first it was jeans, now it's the disposable pads. They actually came too late for me to use them last month, but I have them for this month, so the real test is going to come when I actually have to use them and them alone for the first time...because I haven't got a disposable pad in the house. I will just have to adjust. It's either this or go back to being in terrible pain for over a week out of every month.
I have to go take my medication (Vitamin B, which tastes like skunk spray and is horrid; Vitamin D, which doesn't have a taste at all, and birth control (don't come after me with your pitchforks. Keep your tines over there.) I can't get pregnant-I haven't had a man within ten feet of this mess in ages because I'm not dating in Rhinelander (I'm related to them all/I know them/they're all stupid,) and even if he wanted me, he can't have me because the LS tightened up the doors of the S.S. Lady Bits. Then the vaginismus did in my muscles so there's no actual 'hallway' there. THEN there's a big old muscle knot sitting like a rock in the middle of said hallway because of Pollnow the male gyn idiot, who stuck a speculum up there and messed up my poor befuddled body in that particular region. As was once said on the doors leading to the Dead Men of Dunharrow (Tolkien, thank you) "The Way is Shut." Except I don't have dead people in there, I just have too many problems to list when it comes to all of THAT (waves hands in the direction of crotch area.)
The birth control is merely to make my periods less (more like 4-5 days instead of just over a week, a thought I heartily applaud) and it should balance out my hirsutism (I have hair growing on my shoulderblades (just a couple off the top of my back-no one but me has seen them, but I KNOW THEY'RE THERE and it BUGS me), the sides of my face, down my chest, down my stomach-lots of places where it shouldn't be.) This should help with that. Thank God. I'm starting to think I'm a werewolf or something here. Might have to call in a Winchester (Dean's not well at present in the storyline, so it's going to be Sam) if I start sprouting fangs and claws, disappearing from my bed at night and not remembering where I was in the morning, and people turning up with their hearts missing.)
The long and drawn out explanation you have just slogged through is to explain to all of you five people that actually read this that while I normally wouldn't speak of these issues, I feel that if I don't explain them, you're going to wonder what's going on with me. I want you to understand. I'm not complaining. I'm EXplaining. Most of the time, the lady bits talk would be off-limits, but this is going to affect the rest of my life, from whether I can ever have a sexual partner to whether I can have children without ripping all that mess down below to shreds, to what will happen when I do hit menopause. The LS is going to make it all four times as difficult as it was going to be anyway, and then there's the muscle knot and the vaginismus tossed in on top of it. These are things I'm probably going to have to deal with a lot in the next ten, twenty years, and if I have to SAY all this to someone, it might be easier to just have them read it here.
And now I realize that since I have now taken all the medications I needed to take and my glass is sitting here with that nasty sugary Citrucel residue on it I'm going to need to wipe off before going to bed, that it is indeed bedtime and I must go because I have to work tomorrow (boo.)
Ta, you lot. I will try to talk more often and less graphically in the next entry.
Bec
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