Gag Order A.K.A. Screaming Behind the Duct Tape Over My Mouth

It is very hard to be frustrated and not be able to tell you why. I want to vent at you all, but any attempt to let my little sauna air out may wind up burning me.

I am in the middle of a very delicate and nasty situation (not of my doing at all) that is currently unfolding and I have to keep my mouth shut for the time being.

I hate keeping my mouth shut. You are all aware of this.

I am very angry at someone (not family, strangely enough.) He has done something wrong and I am going to call him on it to his superiors. I have the letter mostly written (needs typing- that'll be tomorrow when I need to get mad again.) I'm going to see where this goes before I say anything, if I can say anything at all.

I've spent a whole lot of the last year boiling in frustration. The incident that has occurred has now taken not just the icing on top of the cake, but the whole bakery (cronuts and duffins, too.) I don't know whether to fight, give up, or throw a massive fit of temper that risks me forfeiting my security deposit.

I just want to NOT be frustrated anymore, because I have no healthy outlet for my frustration and either I'm going to go "poonk" and turn into a cloud of ashes to be swept up by a dustpan and put into a jar, or my pillows are going to die ignominious deaths.

I just can't gain any traction. I just can't win.

(What am I saying? This is one of my mother's children I'm talking about here. If I ever win anything, it's by accident. Or no one else showed up.)

I just worked too damned hard to to get through school, to become trained for the very job I wanted, and now 22 months later, I work at a call center and I'm stuck in place.

I am NOT lying down in the mud in front of the bulldozer and I am not going to let this guy (whom I can't describe) knock my (figurative) house down.

The thing is, I have to fight this. If I don't, it'll prove I never really wanted "it" at all, certainly not enough to fight tooth, nail, and claw for it. I have to show my spine (and not bend an inch while throwing a professional, well-worded hissy fit.) I have to show this guy that I am serious as a funeral for clowns and I am damn well going to make him pay for the offense he's done me.

SO THERE.

Ta,
Bec