Foiled Again.

Library said no again today. Apparently they never had a position open, despite what the director said in the paper last month.

It's this kind of hocus-pocus that had me pinching the bridge of my nose and screaming a short and ineffective scream of anger as I walked out of the doors of the library this morning.

Foiled again.

It is so FRUSTRATING to see what you want, know what you want, go for what you want, and have it snatched away every time you take a step towards achieving that goal. I feel like Tantalus (Greek guy in Hades who consistently had water up to his neck and then when he went to take a drink it was no longer there-hence the word "tantalize.")

I think every librarian in the library KNOWS I want a job there by now. If they don't, then they're not paying attention. How much insult do I have to endure? I have an advanced library degree, I'm willing to take a cut in pay, willing to work the hours, willing to volunteer, willing to shelve, willing to do ANYTHING to just be THERE, and apparently my skills and intelligence are not needed at this time. Try again next year.

I've tried to keep my mouth shut and stay quiet, but three ignored e-mails and a written message with my name and phone number on it (also ignored) have pushed me to the point where I am just about ready to split with the whole idea of working there. I can only be refused so many times before I give up and find a job someplace else where my skills are going to be USED and APPRECIATED.

I have applied repeatedly at this library since I was a teenager, and after 12 or 13 or 14 applications thrown away over TEN YEARS, I thought maybe this time they'd give me a chance (or an e-mail back saying there wasn't one. That would have been NICE.)

It's nice to know that my 7 1/2 years of hard work in college and 50 grand in debt trying to become the best librarian I can be ends with the person(s) who could hire me ignoring my messages to them. Glad to know I'm so valued.

I just thought my hometown library, the library I've been going to my entire LIFE, would have more respect for me than this. I guess not.

And if they read this, fine. I have been nice all this time and never said a word against you. But constantly ignoring my messages does not shut me up or make me go away. It just shows me how utterly unprofessional you are being in this situation, and I wish you'd just hire me and see how valuable an asset I could be to your library if you'd just give me half a chance.